het eerste


A much more imposing man approached the center of the thoroughfare.
“You all right, Stark?” Sheriff Arness inquired without expression.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Albert responded. “Oh, hey, listen, Sheriff, I wanna thank you for your help. Appreciate you stepping in and halting this deadly altercation going on right in front of your office. ­Really terrific, thanks for the support.”

The sheriff looked at Albert with coldness. “It’s not my place to intervene, Stark. I believe a man should fight his own battles.”

Albert stared for a beat. This guy was everything that was fucked up about the frontier, all wrapped up in one ­tough-­eyed, sunburned package sealed with a tin star. “You’re the sheriff,” Albert said, trying not to sound too much like he was talking to a five-year-­old.

“That’s right.”

“So .. the one thing we’re all paying you to ­do—­like, the one function you have in ­town—­you’re saying everyone else should do it.”

“I’m not your goddamn bodyguard, Stark.”

Once again, Albert resisted the urge to sound as if he were teaching a class of retarded children.

“Well, actually, yes. See, as the sheriff, it’s technically kind of your job to protect my body from harm.”
“Yeah, it is kinda your job,” Edward chimed in, always the faithful, supportive pal who ­didn’t know when to keep his mouth closed.

“Shut up,” the sheriff snapped, and Edward quickly lowered his head and shuffled aside timidly. The sheriff turned back to Albert. “I guess you and I see things differently.”

“So, like, if you opened a restaurant, would you wait for people to come in and then say, ‘A man should cook his own food’?”

“You’d best watch your tongue, or you’re gonna find yourself in a jail cell.”

“Oh, there we go!” Albert threw up his arms, the stress and pain of the day exploding in an outburst of aggravation. “The long arm of the law finally lashes out to protect itself against pissy people!”

The sheriff just glared. “You should see Doctor Harper about that foot,” he said at last, turning away stiffly.


© Seth MacFarlane