De leukste grap ter wereld
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?”
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?”
Watson ponders for a minute.
“Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes is silent for a moment. “Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”
De beste grap in Engeland
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
De beste grap in de USA
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”
De beste grap in Canada
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.
De beste grap in Australië
This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What’s WRONG with me, Doctor!?”
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain’t nothing wrong with your eyesight….”
De beste grap in België
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.
De beste grap in Duitsland
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That’s not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That’s it.”
Het Verenigd Koninkrijk in onderdelen
Binnen de UK blijken er toch ook nog nuanceverschillen te spelen. Hier volgen de favoriete grappen van Engelsen, Schotten, Ieren en Welshmen.
Top Joke in England
Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!” The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.”
Top Joke in Wales
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied “I don’t know, it all happened so fast.”
Top Joke in Scotland
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
Top Joke in Northern Ireland
A doctor says to his patient, ‘I have bad news and worse news’.
‘Oh dear, what’s the bad news?’ asks the patient.
The doctor replies, ‘You only have 24 hours to live’.
‘That’s terrible’, said the patient. ‘How can the news possibly be worse?’
The doctor replies, ‘I’ve been trying to contact you since yesterday’.
De Engelse Dr. Richard Wiseman (van de University of Hertfordshire) heeft de afgelopen jaren onderzoek gedaan naar humor. Hij gebruikte daarvoor Internet, en liet mensen uit verschillende landen stemmen op grappen die ook weer ingestuurd waren door mensen van over de hele wereld.
Er blijken nogal wat verschillen te zijn. Zo lijkt het er op dat Duitsers eigenlijk overal wel om kunnen lachen, terwijl Denen, Belgen en Fransen een voorkeur hebben voor absurde humor.
Engelsen, Ieren, Australiërs en Nieuw Zeelanders houden van woordgrappen. Amerikanen en Canadezen zijn dol op grappen over superioriteit, dat wil zeggen grappen waarin ontzettende stomkoppen voorkomen, of waarin mensen voor gek gezet worden.
Het lijkt er dus sterk op, dat mensen die op verschillende plekken in de wereld wonen ook een ander gevoel voor humor hebben. We hebben hiernaast een paar grappen gezet die hoog scoorden. Om te beginnen de twee die internationaal het hoogst scoorden, en die dus het dichtst bij een soort universeel gevoel voor humor komen.
Daaronder de beste grap per land. In het Engels, want het onderzoek was in het Engels uitgevoerd. Misschien dat het daardoor op sommige fronten niet helemaal betrouwbaar is voor de niet-Engelstalige landen, maar het is wel intrigerend, vinden we.
Richard Wiseman is inmiddels gestart met een nieuw onderzoek. Hij wil er achter zien te komen waarom sommige mensen meer geluk hebben dan anderen.
Je kunt aan dit onderzoek meedoen. Lijkt je dat wat, kijk dan even op de site die Wiseman er speciaal voor ingericht heeft: de Luckfactor.